Bear with me as I attempt to discuss arguably the most controversial topic of our time. I am fully aware that I will get all sorts of comments and thoughts, both agreeing and disagreeing with what I am about to say. However, I am not seeking the approval of man, but the approval of God. So with that being said, lets get started.
Upon entering college, I was introduced to an entirely new world of people. New religions, cultures, gender identities and more. I began to find myself surrounded by the LGBT community quite a bit as time went on. Maybe this was due to the fact that I dress like a tomboy 98% of the time and am not the typical girly girl. Or maybe it’s the fact that I’m just a friendly person and talk to literally everyone on campus if I get a chance. Anyway, I was meeting more and more individuals who claimed to be apart of this community and it got me thinking.
Now I am fully aware of what the Bible same about same sex relations and the stance that most believers have on homosexuality and I am not arguing that it is not a sin. However, if you are a woman, do you choose what man you are attracted to? Not necessarily. If you are a man, do you choose what woman you are attracted to? I would guess not. Attraction does not seem to be something that we can consciously choose. Think about it, if someone could choose to be straight or choose to be gay, what would be the advantage of them being gay? Who would choose a lifestyle of constant criticism and judgement? No one that I know. Now, listen as I make a point in which I believe to be crucial to this discussion. Being gay is not a choice. The ATTRACTION is not a choice. The PURSUIT is a choice. Lets discuss this further. If one is attracted to the same sex but chooses to remain celibate and never act on those desires, is that person wrong and “living in sin”? Most would say no. In the same way as an individual who struggles with an alcohol addiction or drug addiction has the DESIRE to have those things, but chooses not to. Are you following? Now, the choice comes in the pursuit. Choosing to pursue a homosexual lifestyle IS a choice. 100%. And that is where the issue becomes sin in my opinion.
Next point. Are people born gay? I get asked this constantly by my gay friends, both in the church and out. For most of my life I would have answered this question immediately with “NO WAY! God would not make a mistake. And if homosexuality is wrong, God wouldn’t make someone that way.” But as I did a little research on the origin of mankind and the history of the universe, my thoughts changed. From the moment that sin entered the world through Adam & Eve, every person from that point on was born INTO sin. Meaning that no person is ever born perfect and we are ALL born with flaws. Knowing this, I believe that everyone is born with different sin struggles. Some with a strong desire to rely heavily on drugs and alcohol, some addicted to pornography and a struggle with lust, some with same sex attraction and some with anger issues. The list goes on and on. I am in no way saying that if you are born with the struggle of same sex attraction, that you HAVE to pursue it. In the same way that those who have alcohol temptation do not have to drink. It is always a choice. However, people are born with a higher tendency to struggle in different areas. Some of this is due to environmental factors and how an individual is raised. The relationship that he/she has with her mother and father. Their experiences with the opposite sex. There are many factors that play into same sex attraction. Up until this point, there has been no scientific evidence of homosexuality being a genetic but studies are showing that is mostly environmental factors and due to higher levels of testosterone in women and estrogen in men. Knowing that men and women have both testosterone and estrogen in their bodies, the amounts are different from person to person ranging from 90-10 to 60-40. . So all of that to say, yes, I do believe that people can be born with a higher tendency to be attracted to the same sex, but in no way does that mean that they are forced to chose to live that lifestyle.
This brings me to my last point. I know for a fact that there are people out there who may read this who are in a dilemma. They feel as though their homosexual relationship is wrong and they don’t have peace about it in their spirit because of their relationship with God. I know this because I’ve been there. I’ve walked through this. I am not speaking from an outside perspective or as someone who doesn’t “get it”. Trust me, I get it. And that’s WHY I am so passionate that other people do too. Especially the church. My heart breaks as I see the gay community run as far as they can from the church out of fear. Fear of judgement or rejection. Fear of hatred or misunderstanding. And it doesn’t surprise me as to why. I am in no way saying that churches should hang rainbow flags all over the doorways, but if we are going to preach “come as you are”, then we need to teach the same. And if you’re out there, whoever you are, you who are struggling with same sex attraction and have been praying for God to make you straight for years, stop. Just stop. Behavior modification is just cutting the fruit off the tree but neglecting to find the root. It is exhausting and frustrating and will leave you broken time and time again. Evaluate your heart before you pray and notice your motives. Why do you want God to make you straight? Because it’s normal, so you can fit it? So you don’t feel like an outcast and different from everyone around you? Yeah, I get that too. Because guess what, those were my prayers too. And maybe you try to date someone of the opposite sex. Maybe that will “fix” you right? Wrong. No person can “fix” you. You are not messed up beloved. We are all broken in our sexuality ultimately. We are all attracted to things we shouldn’t be. Throwing our hearts around to anything and everything that will hold onto it, then getting broken over and over.
Ultimately, my prayers had to shift from “Lord, please make me straight.” to “Lord, I’ll wait.” Because my goal should never be heterosexuality, but holiness. The moment that we fix our eyes on Jesus, all we see is Him. Not our sins, not the stress or the addiction, not the insecurities or the financial instability, not the same sex attraction, not the alcoholism, not the night we made that horrible mistake, and ultimately, not us. We see HIM. In all His glory. And everything else fades. It’s beautiful really. You begin to really live.
I want to close with one of my favorite passages in scripture. It’s found in Ephesians chapter 5 verses 7-17. It says this: “Therefore do not become partners with them; for at one time you were darkness, BUT NOW you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things they do in secret. But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says, Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you. Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.”
True joy and lasting satisfaction is found in Christ alone. If you chose to read all of this, thank you. I hope that my story and my testimony encouraged you and allowed you to see Jesus more clearly. He really is worth it. And if you are struggling in this area, or with anything and are afraid to talk about it, please know that you can message me and I would LOVE to listen. Confession to God brings forgiveness, but confession to others brings healing. God bless.